


dysphoric

by yijeong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Drabble, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Character, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 22:40:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17455646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yijeong/pseuds/yijeong
Summary: don't let me see what i am,cause i can't stand it





	dysphoric

**Author's Note:**

> uuh ya boi got hit with a huge wave of  
> dysphoria n stuff so.... i wrote this to let  
> a bit of emotion out instead of doing  
> somethin worse :]  
> the ending kinda sucks im sorry ilu

donghyuck doesn’t know how the thoughts suddenly wormed their way into his brain.

maybe it was when it was when accidentally caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror after avoiding it all day, saw the way his hair almost hit his shoulders (thanks to his parents not allowing him to cut it again) or the way his chest curved outwards the tiniest bit (he never had to worry much about what he had there, or for use of better words lacked, but what little he did have made him unable to stomach it.)

he sat on his bedroom floor and stared at bluish-gray carpeting, an empty and numbing feeling suddenly spreading throughout his body. there were tears threatening to spill out from behind his eyes, and he sniffled as his heart began to race and his hands shook.

_ you’ll never be a real boy. _

the intrusive thought rang out loud and clear in his mind, echoing over and over as it bounced around inside his skull. discomfort spread like fire across his skin and he zipped up his baggy hoodie, and the empty feeling slowly was overcome with hopelessness. 

maybe the voice in donghyuck’s head was right, and he considered it as the first tears began to slip down his cheeks. he didn’t have a supportive family, no way of transitioning on his own, and even his own friends constantly reminded him of the gender he was born as, refusing to acknowledge him as a boy no matter how many times he told them and begged them.

the emotions were too much for him and his few quiet tears quickly turned into a loud crying fit. he couldn’t hold back sobs from escaping his mouth, muffling them with his sleeve as his whole body shook with every fresh wave of tears, pleading out to everyone and no one all at once to find him a way out if they loved him at all.


End file.
